Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder is one of the most compassionate and complex things you can do. Eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, OSFED (Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder), and ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) are serious mental health conditions that impact people of all genders, ages, and identities. They affect not only physical health, but also emotional well-being and self-worth.
Knowing how to help without crossing boundaries can feel daunting. This guide is for friends, family, and anyone who wants to offer support in a thoughtful, informed way. It outlines what you can do and what to avoid while protecting both your relationship and their dignity.
Remember, you’re not here to fix. You’re here to walk beside. Reach out today and let NewCircle be that steady presence on your path to healing.
Recognizing the Early Signs of an Eating Disorder
Early intervention can make a big difference, but eating disorder symptoms often manifest in subtle ways. You may notice behavioral or emotional changes before any physical signs become apparent. Recognizing these early cues is essential to offering support before the disorder progresses.
Signs to watch for:
- Avoiding meals or making excuses not to eat
- Obsessive thoughts or behaviors around food, calories, or body image
- Frequent trips to the bathroom after eating (possible purging)
- Social withdrawal or secrecy around meals
- Rapid weight changes, loss, or gain
- Increased anxiety, irritability, or depression
If several of these signs apply, it may be time to check in gently or encourage a conversation with a professional.
Why It’s Hard to Know How to Help
Many caring people hesitate to speak up out of fear:
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“Will I push them away?”
These fears are valid. Stigma, shame, and misunderstanding often make eating disorders difficult to talk about. Many individuals don’t recognize the depth of what they’re navigating, or they stay silent out of fear of judgment.
Eating disorders are not about food alone. They often develop as coping mechanisms, ways to navigate control, trauma, stress, or emotional overwhelm. Recovery isn’t about just eating. It’s about healing the underlying pain.
How to Help Someone with an Eating Disorder: What You Can Do
1. Educate Yourself First
Before you open a conversation, learn about eating disorders from trusted sources. Understanding what your loved one may be facing builds empathy and helps you approach them with clarity, not fear.
- Recognize this is often about emotional pain, not food alone
- Learn the unique patterns and risks of conditions like anorexia, bulimia, BED, OSFED, and ARFID
2. Listen More Than You Speak
Your presence matters more than perfect words.
- Use active listening: paraphrase what they say, show warmth, and avoid judgment
- Don’t interrupt or offer solutions unless asked
- Validate their experience without trying to fix it
3. Express Concern Without Pressure
Gently name what you’ve noticed:
“I’ve seen some changes lately, and I care about you. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
Avoid:
- Labeling (“You’re anorexic”)
- Talking about their weight or body
- Making it about your fears (“You’re scaring me”)
4. Encourage Professional Help
Remind them that healing doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
- Offer to research options with them if they’re open
- Affirm that asking for help is a brave and strong step
If it feels appropriate, you can gently say:
“When you’re ready, I’ve heard of a place called NewCircle. They offer affirming, personalized support for teens and adults of all identities.”
What Not to Do
Don’t talk about food, weight, or appearance.
Even compliments like “You look healthy” can cause distress.
Avoid:
- Calorie comments
- Portion talk
- Judgments positive or negative about appearance
Don’t try to diagnose or fix them yourself.
You are not their clinician, and they don’t need you to be. They need your love, not your expertise.
Don’t make it about you.
Center their experience. Speak from concern, not fear or frustration.
Supporting Someone Long-Term
Set Boundaries for Yourself
Support doesn’t mean self-sacrifice. Maintain your own emotional wellness—therapy, support groups, or rest are all valid needs.
Accept the Journey
Recovery is not linear. Expect setbacks, and celebrate wins that aren’t tied to weight, food, or appearance like laughter, openness, or connection.
Create a Safe Environment
- Eliminate “diet talk” or body shaming at home
- Avoid triggering language or comparisons
- Encourage joy-based, inclusive activities that promote connection
If They’re a Teen: Supporting With Care
Teens face unique pressures around identity and privacy. If you’re a teacher, coach, or extended family member:
- Build trust through consistency
- Share concerns with caregivers if their safety is at risk
- Use body-neutral language and focus on emotional well-being
Above all, be a calm and compassionate adult presence in their world.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the best way to approach someone you think has an eating disorder?
Start with a gentle, nonjudgmental conversation. Express concern based on behaviors you’ve noticed, and reassure them that you care and are available to listen. Avoid making assumptions or focusing on weight.
2. Should I comment on their appearance if I’m worried?
No. Even positive comments like “You look healthy” can be triggering. It’s better to focus on how they’re feeling emotionally or what you’ve observed in their behaviors.
3. What if my loved one denies having a problem?
Denial is common due to the shame and stigma associated with eating disorders. Continue offering consistent, compassionate support. Encourage professional help when they’re ready, and avoid pressuring them.
4. Can I help someone with an eating disorder if I’m not a therapist?
Yes, your support matters. While you can’t replace professional care, being a steady, nonjudgmental presence can help someone feel safe enough to seek help when they’re ready.
5. Does NewCircle support caregivers and families too?
Yes. At NewCircle, we provide resources, education, and support for caregivers and loved ones. We believe healing is strengthened by community and shared understanding.
Healing Happens in Safe, Affirming Spaces
Recovery takes time, and it takes trust. At NewCircle, we support adolescents and adults of all genders and identities with personalized, trauma-informed care.
Our programs include:
- Residential, PHP, and IOP treatment
- Creative therapies: movement, art, service dogs
- A therapeutic kitchen that builds real-life skills without judgment, numbers, or appearance talk
We believe healing begins with feeling seen, heard, and accepted for who you truly are.
When your loved one is ready, NewCircle is here, with space, support, and care that honors their whole self. Contact us today.
